My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it hurts more in the daytime
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
