she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
