My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
