Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
