I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
