My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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