Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
