guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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