Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
