I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
