so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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