how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
