I'm so fucking centered right now
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
