Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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