There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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