he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
