her vagine was all disorganized.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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