CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are all done wearing pants today
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
