This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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