So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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