she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
