so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
