just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize