The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
