I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
