Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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