I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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