how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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