And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
