i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can you bring me the toilet please
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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