Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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