I am in a vortex of obligation.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
