when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
