Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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