remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize