HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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