Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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