Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
