so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
