Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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