Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
