and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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