i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
