We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
