and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
