i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He better not be in your backpack
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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