i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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