I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
