uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
