Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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