I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
