hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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