Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
