i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
