i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
