Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
