best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
