Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
