as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pants are for mortals
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
