***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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