Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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