ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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