Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
