Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you had me at cake vodka
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
