Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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