my being single is dangerous.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
