super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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