She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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