you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
