Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
