I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
