Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
