i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
