Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
