Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
