I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
